


new friends in a new century

by jubileechase



Series: our chance at a happy ending [1]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Bisexual Steve Rogers, Captain America Smithsonian Exhibit, Christmas, Christmas Fluff, Christmas Presents, Coming Out, F/M, Fluff, It's a Wonderful Life, Lucky the pizza dog - Freeform, M/M, Nat And Clint Are Good Bros(TM), Natasha Needs To Lowkey Find Her Goddamn Chill, STEVE AND BUCKY STEVE AND BUCKY STEVE AND BUCKY, i had to do research on when pizza came to america for this, leo told me to tag this as "#festive bisexual" because steve and christmas time, literally what losers jesus christ, lowkey stan lee cameo, steve is an angsty loser sometimes but he has a good heart, the star spangled man with a plan, theyre More Than Bros to each other, theyre steves bros.
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-05
Updated: 2016-11-23
Packaged: 2018-08-29 02:56:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,209
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8472763
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jubileechase/pseuds/jubileechase
Summary: waking up in an entirely different world is difficult. but at least steve might have some friends





	1. it's a wonderful life

**december 24, 2012**  

 

              Steve shivered slightly. It surprised him a little bit, even though it was perfectly reasonable of him to feel the cold. He half expected that after being frozen for _sixty-six_ years, he might not have as much of a problem with the cold. Or that the serum might have made him be able to retain body heat a bit better. And it did, really, but he could still feel the cold. Honestly, he didn’t even really care at this stage. He was just trying to get through the holiday season. God, that sounded so pathetic and cliché. But really, it wasn’t like he had anyone to spend it with. He was actually starting to regret putting up a tree, it was just a reminder of how shitty his life was. Sure, he had never had the greatest life ever, but he was so _alone_. He was just about to turn on the TV when there was a knock at his door. He sighed, getting up to open it. Maybe it was just carolers. Did people still do that? He opened the door. A red haired woman and a man with dirty blond hair stood there, a light coating of snow over their hair and the shoulders of their coats.

               “Merry Christmas.” Clint grinned.

               “Merry Christmas,” Steve responded, gesturing for them to walk in. They took off their coats and hung them on the hooks in the entryway. “What are you doing here?”

               “We had a feeling you’d be alone, and well, it’s Christmas, so here we are.” Natasha said.

               Steve smiled slightly. “Thanks. Don’t you have anyone else to spend Christmas with?”

               “Other than other SHIELD agents? No, not really.”

               “I technically have a brother, but I have no idea where he is right now.” Clint shrugged, as if it was nothing that he had no idea where his brother was and didn’t have anyone else.

               “And well, if I have any family out there, I’ve never met them, so…” Natasha said, again, as if it was nothing, but with more of a serious tone than Clint.

               “Oh. Well, thanks. Again.” Steve said. He led them into the living room of his apartment. “It’s not really that big, I mean, I’m the only one living here, so…”

               “You’re from Brooklyn, right?” Clint asked.

               Steve took a deep breath. “Yeah. Yeah, I am.”

               “So, why do you live in Washington now? Wouldn’t you wanna, you know, go back home?”

               Yes, he did want to go back home. He missed it so much. But it was overflowing with memories. His entire life was there. And Bucky wasn’t there. Steve didn’t know if they had ever even found Bucky’s body. It would be way too painful to see Brooklyn again. And if it had changed as drastically as Manhattan and the rest of the world had… he wouldn’t have as many painful memories to deal with, yes, but his home would be gone. “I don’t know, convenience, I guess. This is near one of SHIELD’s main offices, and this was the place they gave me to live in.”

               Natasha and Clint looked at each other, then nodded as if they understood, but something about their faces said that they knew he had a stronger reason for not going home. At least they didn’t try to bring it up. “That makes sense. I actually live in Bed-Stuy, if you ever wanna come visit.” Clint said.

               “So what sappy Christmas movie’s on TV right now?” Natasha said, leaning over to pick up the remote from the coffee table. She looked at Steve, gesturing to the TV. “Do you mind if I…”

               “No, not at all. Can I get you guys anything to drink?” he offered. They responded in unison with “coffee”. Steve walked over to the kitchen, which was only a few metres away, and begun making their coffee. The snow outside the window was pouring down hard.

               “Aw, It’s A Wonderful Life!” Clint shouted suddenly. Steve poked his head out of the kitchen and raised an eyebrow. “It’s A Wonderful Life, it’s this old Christmas movie. Real sweet, kinda sad. It’s one of the few movies that makes Natasha cry.”

               “Shut up, it doesn’t make me cry.” Natasha said pointedly, staring at the screen. Clint looked over at Steve and mouthed “it does.” Steve smiled slightly. He almost couldn’t imagine Natasha crying, definitely not about a movie.

               He looked at the steaming cups of coffee sitting in front of him, then back into the living room. “Do you want anything in your coffee? Sugar? Cream, or… something?” He knew that there were about a billion different ways to have coffee in the 21st century. He hadn’t tried any of them other than milk and sugar, and wasn’t entirely sure how coffee making had become something akin to an art form, but it apparently had. It definitely wasn’t the weirdest thing to happen while he was frozen.

               “Nah, I’m good.” Clint said.

               “He’d drink coffee straight from the pot if he had to.” Natasha quirked up an eyebrow to Clint’s questionable coffee habits. “I’ll have a teaspoon of sugar in mine.”

               “Sure.” Steve said, putting the sugar into one of the coffees and stirring it before taking them over to the pair and sitting beside them on the couch. “What’s the movie about?”

               “So this guy, George Bailey, wishes he had never been born, right? So this angel comes to Earth to show George what the world would have been like if he hadn’t been born and it’s totally different and bad and George realises that he’s important and he learns stuff about the meaning of Christmas and then at the end, this bell on their tree just rings out of nowhere and his little daughter says that every time a bell rings, an angel gets their wings and George is obviously thinking about the angel he met and yeah.” Clint explained.

               “Great job, you spoiled the ending.” Natasha turned to face Steve. “You’ve seriously never heard of this movie before?”

               “Nope.”

               “Huh. Clint, what year did this come out?”

               Clint pulled his phone out and typed something into it. “Uh, 1946.” He looked up at Steve. “You just missed it, then.”

               “Yeah.” Steve said. They sat watching the movie and drinking their coffee for a few minutes, when Steve noticed a small gift-wrapped box sitting on the edge of his coffee table out of the corner of his eye. Natasha or Clint must have put it there while he was getting their coffee. “What’s that?” he looked at the box.

               Natasha and Clint looked at each other, smiling a little bit. “Well, we, uh… we couldn’t just get you nothing, you know?” Clint said. Natasha handed the box to him, and he begun untying the ribbon and carefully tearing the paper, having to remind himself that wrapping paper was cheap and dispensable and that it definitely wasn’t the Great Depression anymore when he accidentally ripped it. “It’s an iPod. It plays music. With headphones, so you’re the only one listening to the music, and you can take it wherever…”

               “We already put about five hundred songs you missed on there, but there’s room for over a thousand more.” Steve could feel their nervous glances on him, awaiting his reaction. This surely wasn’t cheap. Being a secret agent probably paid well, but they didn’t have to spend such a large amount of money on him. He looked at the box. The top was transparent, allowing you to see the iPod inside it. He had gotten used to using most of the modern technology he had access to, but he still felt a little amazed whenever he saw stuff he hadn’t before. “We can teach you how to use it.” Natasha smirked as if she had read his mind on that last thought.

               “Thanks,” he smiled at them. “You shouldn’t have.”

               “Like he said, we couldn’t just show up empty handed.”

               “Yeah, well, if I had known, I would’ve gotten you something.”

               “Steve, really, it’s fine.” Natasha assured him, and they both actually seemed like that was the case.

               “Don’t sweat it, man.” Clint said.

               Steve breathed out a small laugh. “It’s impossible to sweat anything right now. Aren’t you cold? I don’t think my heater’s working properly.”

               “I’m wearing like three layers right now, I’m good.”

               “And I grew up in Russia. This is nothing.” Natasha smiled. Steve raised an eyebrow. “You know, I’d expect that after your whole… freezing debacle, you might be a little more…”

               “Wouldn’t that have just made him hate the cold even more, though? I know I would. Like when you hear a song too much.” They both made good points, though Steve’s opinion on cold hadn’t really changed from the freezing thing. Clint was probably closer to right, though. Steve had always been one to complain about extreme weather before the serum, but after coming out of the ice, the cold seemed to get on his nerves just that little bit more than it used to. Which is saying something, considering the serum kept his body at a pretty good temperature most of the time.

               Natasha quickly tilted her head and quirked up an eyebrow as if to say “yeah, you have a point, but I’m not going to acknowledge that you being right means I was probably wrong”, but it was light-hearted. “So, the movie.” Steve said, slightly desperate to get onto a different topic. They stopped talking, except to make small comments on things happening on the screen. Clint held his coffee in one hand, his other arm around Natasha’s shoulders. She snuggled up against him, her feet up on the couch, the coffee clasped between both hands. They seemed so _together_ , fitting perfectly with one another like puzzle pieces. For some reason, the thought was encroached on by that hollow sadness that had become so familiar these days. They clearly loved each other, more than anything, and then there was Steve. It wasn’t like he had never been in love, which just made it all the more tragic. Because there were two people he wanted to hold like that more than anything, but one of them was nearing her ninety-second birthday, having lived a whole life while Steve was asleep, and the other… well, the other one had fallen off a train and was long dead. He was alone. He looked back at the screen, focusing on the movie rather than wallowing in his self-pity.

 

               Well, Clint was right. By the end of the movie, all three of them were crying. Natasha remained staring steely at the screen, wiping away each tear before it had a chance to properly fall. She was still crying, though, even if she would never admit it. During one of the ad breaks, they had ordered a pizza, and were just finishing off the last few slices as the movie was ending. Pizza was great. Apparently, just like It’s A Wonderful Life, Steve had _just_ missed it, as it came to America while he was on the frontlines. When he said he hadn’t even heard of it, Tony and Clint had seemed almost personally offended. A New Yorker who hadn’t had pizza? After a bit of research, they found out that pizza took off in the US pretty much while Steve was crashing a plane into the ice. Then they made him try it. And it was pretty much love at first bite. That had been over half a year ago. Everything seemed to be going really fast yet not nearly fast enough.

               Anyway, they were just finishing off the last of the pizza after the movie. “Oh, we set your iPod passcode to 1234, by the way. You can change it to something less hackable if you want.” Natasha said, reaching for one of the final slices.

               “Do you know how to use it?” Clint asked.

               Steve looked at the device sitting on the table. “Yeah, I think. Shouldn’t be that different to the phone, right?” He leaned over to pick it up and turn it on. They had already set the lockscreen to a photo they had taken of themselves. He typed in the code.

               “Okay so see that app there labelled music?” Natasha instructed. Steve opened it. “So then you can select a song or shuffle them by pressing that, and you can sort them by song, album, artist, genre, or you could make a playlist. Which is kind of like a mixtape but… actually never mind, you were frozen while mixtapes were a thing.” She said, pointing to each of the different options to explain.

               “Playlists are just like a bunch of songs that you get and you…” Clint tried to explain, through a mouth full of pizza.

               “I think I get it. It’s not like I’m some old…” Steve’s voice faltered off as he remembered just how old he technically was. “Thanks.”

               “No problem.”

               “We’re gonna be at my place tomorrow for lunch, if you wanna join us.” Natasha offered.

               Steve smiled. “Thanks. I’d hate to be any trouble…”

               “You’ll be fine, we usually have leftovers anyway so we don’t really have to go to any extra trouble.” Clint said.

               “Well, it’s…” Natasha glanced at her watch, “an hour until it’s actually Christmas Day, so we should probably get going.” The pair got up and grabbed their coats. Steve walked over to the door with them.

               “I know I’ve said this already, but thanks. Really.” He stood somewhat awkwardly for a few seconds, hands in his pockets. “Merry Christmas.”

               Natasha leaned up slightly to gently hug him, a half smile crossing her face. “Merry Christmas.”

               Clint pulled him into a slightly tighter hug. “Merry Christmas, man. See you tomorrow!” He waved as he walked backwards out of the door before turning back around as he caught up to Natasha in the hallway and slung his arm around her shoulders. Steve closed the door, and smiled, feeling warm despite the cold, as it begun to sink in that he wasn’t entirely alone after all.

 

 

               “Open it.” Clint bounced slightly with anticipation as Nat pulled at the ribbon around the small box. She looked at him, quirking her eyebrow up, then back at the box. The ribbon fell to the ground, as did the lilac colored wrapping paper after it. A small black box from a jewellery store. Natasha opened it. Inside, there was a silver necklace. A thin chain, with a small arrow pendant. The flashing multi-coloured lights of her Christmas tree reflected off its gleaming surface. “I mean, I know you’re not really one for sentiment or whatever but I saw it and…”

               His nervous words were cut off by Natasha hugging him, pulling him in tightly. “I love it,” she whispered against his chest. She could feel him smile. They broke apart, and he took the necklace from the box. She held her hair out of the way as he clasped it around her neck.

               “I mean, you don’t have to wear it if you don’t want to…”

               “Clint. It’s beautiful.” She kissed his cheek, absentmindedly touching the arrow pendant. “Merry Christmas.”

               He smiled. “Merry Christmas.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEY GUYS THANKS FOR READING??? um okay. So this is the first chapter in a MASSIVE series I am writing and planning and it's going to be great, I can tell you that. Essentially, it's going to be my alternate MCU. Where, well, Age Of Ultron was half decent (yes, I'm going to rewrite the entire movie and nobody can stop me), and most importantly, Steve and Bucky. Believe me. It's going to massively centre around them once TWS hits. Which will be very soon. I'm gonna put dates at the start of everything in this particular fic though, just so you have a good idea of what is happening when, because it starts at the same time as like, Iron Man 3 and goes right up to late 2013, so... But, anyway, I hope you enjoyed this first little bit of it, and I will upload the second chapter as soon as I get the chance. I've already written quite a bit, but I've been waiting to post it until I had some stuff written in case I didn't get time to write constantly and you wanted updates.


	2. the star spangled man (without a plan on how to escape nat and clint's shit)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> natasha and clint found some old videos on youtube

**march 10, 2013**  

              “Hey,” Natasha smirked as she opened the door. It was hard to tell if she was up to something or if she was just in a good mood. Whatever it was, Steve wasn’t in the mood for it. She had called him to come over, and it wasn’t like she knew how significant today was for Steve, so it definitely wasn’t for comfort. He shrugged off his coat, walking in to her apartment.

               “Hey, what’s up?”

               “Oh, nothing much. Is that a new haircut?”

               “Natasha…”

               “It’s more modern. Suits you, actually.”

               “ _Natasha_ …”

               “Oh, hey, man.” Clint was sitting on the couch, a computer on his lap and a look on his face devious enough to rival Natasha’s. Yeah, definitely up to something, then.

               “Hey.” Steve sighed.

               “What’s wrong?” Clint asked, suddenly a bit more sombre.

               _He would have been ninety-six today._ “Hm? Nothing. I’m fine. Why’d you call me over here?”

               “Steve. You look even sadder than usual, alright? We know something’s up.” Natasha said.

               “Sadder than usual?”

               “Honestly, I was starting to just think that was your face until I saw some stuff from back in the day…” Clint moved to turn the laptop around to show them something, but Natasha made a quick hand movement in his direction and he stopped.

               Steve sighed. “Really, it’s… it’s nothing much…” Yes, it was. Not like they had to know that.

               “You wanna talk about it?” Natasha said.

               “Not really.”

               “You gonna be alright?”

               “I honestly have no idea.”

               “You wanna see footage of you from seventy years ago wearing tights and singing?”

               “It’s not that I… wait, what?” Steve briskly walked over to the pair on the couch as what Natasha had said sunk in, as did dread. Clint turned the laptop on an angle so that Steve could see the screen, and sure enough there it was. One of the old Star Spangled Man with a Plan performances. “No. No, no, no.” He sighed.

               Natasha grabbed his arm and pulled him onto the couch as he went to walk away. “Oh, come on!” He crossed his arms as Clint held the laptop right in front of him and snickered, presumably at how grumpy Steve must have seemed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aahhh oh boy. i know. this chapter is shitty and tiny its literally not even four hundred words and it ended so abruptly but i had no idea what exactly i was supposed to write from that point onwards because let's be real, it's pretty freakin obvious what happens next. the point is, this is essentially just a filler chapter in which it is revealed that 1. steve has the hot as hell haircut he had in tws, 2. nat and clint know about the star spangled man with a plan stuff and well... let's just say that this might be mentioned again later :) i know this wasn't the greatest but don't let it put you off this series because STUFF WILL GET GOOD in the next chapter. and it will get sad. which is good from a writing perspective. not for steve though. poor steve


	3. the smithsonian

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> natasha drags steve along to his own smithsonian exhibit. it doesn't go as well as she had planned

**may 18, 2013**

 

               Steve had been living in Washington D.C. for almost a year. He didn’t mind it, but it wasn’t quite home. His apartment was great, the food was great, the area itself was great, but he still longed for his old home in Brooklyn, even if that apartment was a complete dump compared to his current arrangement. He found himself missing a lot of things from his old life that probably weren’t worth missing, to be entirely honest. And then there were the people who definitely were worth missing, but that just made him sad, which is the exact opposite of what he should be feeling. He was supposed to be getting back into the world. And he was. In the year since Loki’s attacks, he had caught up on heaps of stuff like movies and books and music, what’s popular, common slang, other things. His new apartment in D.C. was close to SHIELD’s headquarters too, where he was training a lot. It helped take his mind off things, get him back in the world, plus the whole “following orders” and being an agent thing was something familiar in a way. Natasha was helping with the training, and they had become quite good friends. Well, they knew each other. Steve wasn’t exactly good at making friends in the 21st century and Natasha seemed to hold back a lot about herself. Steve didn’t pry. If she felt like sharing, she could, but she clearly didn’t, and he wasn’t going to push it.

            Steve had been living in Washington D.C. for almost a year when the Smithsonian museum opened up its Captain America exhibit. He knew they were doing it; they had been piecing it together pretty much since he defrosted. Back when it was uncertain if he was going to get back into the superhero game, they asked him if they could have the shield for the exhibit. He declined, naturally. Even if he hadn’t been considering joining SHIELD, there were too many memories attached to that shield for him to just give it up. Honestly, he didn’t want to go. Steve managed to avoid his own museum exhibit for almost a month when Natasha finally convinced him to go check it out. The museum opened at 10 AM, and Natasha felt the need to show up there at opening time. “There’ll be hardly anyone there if we get there early enough” she had told him. Admission was free, but Natasha couldn’t resist joking about how she probably could have gotten a senior’s discount for Steve had it been necessary. He forced out a slight laugh. He didn’t feel ninety-four. He was asleep for most of that time. As far as he was concerned, he was twenty-eight, yet everyone was so determined to make as many “grandpa” jokes as possible. As if he needed any more reminders that everyone he loved actually _was_ super old or dead.

            The exhibit wasn’t too bad. There was a massive “Welcome Back, Cap” sign on the first wall you see, along with a huge painting of Steve. Small screens on the walls played videos of him. Films he made back in the days when Captain America was just bond-selling propaganda, footage of him and the Howling Commandos… and he felt his heart drop a little. They were like brothers to him during the war. They were so close. And now? They were all either old or dead. Except him, no. He still had his whole life ahead of him. He felt Natasha glance at him out of the corner of her eye, and he immediately tried to snap out of it. She must have noticed his brooding, though, because she dragged him onto the next section. Steve stared at the statistics besides the two life-size photos of him, before and after the serum. Another screen to his left had a life-size photo of him before, while his current self faded in and out of view, as a comparison. Natasha stood next to it and smirked. “Hey, you were still taller than me even then, that’s not fair!” she said, and Steve smiled and rolled his eyes.

            There was a raised section against one wall with mannequins wearing the signature outfits of all the Howling Commandos, including himself, holding his original shield, and Bucky. The jacket on the mannequin would have had to be a replica, as Bucky had been wearing it when he… Steve turned away from the costumes, and Natasha started dragging him to various screens that were rising out of the ground. The smirk still hadn’t left her face, and it didn’t as Steve half-read paragraphs of information on his own life. And then they came to one that made Steve’s stomach turn. He had already been faced with Bucky a couple of times that day, but a replica jacket was only enough for his heart to skip a beat. Here he was, standing in front of a sheet of glass with Bucky’s face printed on it, and he couldn’t tear his eyes away. A voice over in a speaker gave information, “ _Best friends since childhood, Bucky Barnes and Steven Rogers were inseparable on both the schoolyard and battlefield.”_

            “Hey, Steve, you alright?” a distant voice asked. Well, it was coming from right behind him, but Steve could only focus on one thing. _“Barnes is the only Howling Commando to give his life in service…”_ The voice over continued to drone on as Steve finally managed to draw his eyes away from the photo of Bucky, only to notice movement out of the corner of his eye on a screen in the platform holding up the sheet of glass. Steve looked at the screen and felt tears welling up in his eyes. A video was playing of him and Bucky, not too long after Steve had rescued Bucky and the rest of the 107th, and they were standing in front of some kind of brick wall, and they were talking to each other and just laughing. Steve could barely remember what they were talking about, but all that mattered about that moment had been captured forever in that video. The smile on Bucky’s face, the happiness in his eyes… it was almost too much. Steve felt a tear slide down his cheek, his lip quivering. The voice behind him spoke again. “Listen, I shouldn’t have brought you here, I mean, this was only a couple of years ago for you anyway. Are you okay?”

            Steve wiped the tears from his face. “Yeah, I just…”

            Natasha walked over so she was next to him. “This Bucky guy… he meant a lot to you, didn’t he?”

            Steve attempted a smile, but it probably just made him look sadder. “He still does.” Well, that _definitely_ made him look sadder.

            Yet Natasha seemed to sort of understand. “Do you wanna just go get lunch somewhere and then go back home?”

            “Yeah.” Steve nodded. And so they went and got pizza at a nearby place, before going their separate ways. Steve assured Natasha that he was fine, that he would be totally okay to be at his apartment alone. Well, it wasn’t a complete lie. He didn’t do anything stupid that night, but he did think about Bucky a lot more than usual, which was saying something, because Bucky usually occupied a pretty big section of his thoughts.

           

            It was three days later when Steve ended up back at his own Smithsonian exhibit, this time alone. He was alright at first, but the entire thing was quite sad honestly. And then he ended up in front of that glass wall with Bucky’s face. The voice over gave the same speech as last time, but Steve barely heard what it said. He couldn’t tear himself away from the video reel on the platform. There was him and Bucky laughing about something shortly after being reunited in the war, there was the Howling Commandos about to go into a mission and going over their plans, the camera fixated on Bucky, much like how Steve was. Fixated on the way he moved and fixated on his face and Steve could almost hear Bucky’s voice again, watching silent clips of him talking. He felt tears coming up in his eyes yet again and he let them fall. Just like how he let Bucky fall. It would have been so easy for him to just reach that bit further, pull him to safety… and then Steve would probably have fallen too. But it wouldn’t matter, because being dead _with_ Bucky would probably be better than being alive _without_ him. And then he was crying _a lot_ and his hand gently brushed over Bucky’s laughing face on the screen, and the amount of people in the museum seemed to be dropping, until he had stopped crying for about half an hour and was just staring at the footage. Watching Bucky laughing and happy and alive somehow both made him feel a bit happier and alive, while also creating some kind of hollow sadness he couldn’t explain, a sadness that had been there since Bucky had fell. And next thing he knew, the number of people around him had completely dropped to an old man in a security guard outfit telling him that it was closing time in a few minutes and that he needed to leave. Steve glanced at his watch. “Shit.” he said softly. He turned to the old man. “Sorry for the inconvenience, I just…”

            The man raised an eyebrow. “You were in front of that thing for almost two hours. You alright?”

            “I’m fine, really. I should go. Like you said, it’s almost closing time.” Steve said, and made for the exit before the old man and his mustache could ask any more awkward questions. As he was leaving, though, Steve’s thoughts were filled with only one person, someone who meant more than the entire world to Steve but who he’ll only ever get to see again in a never ending loop of war-time footage in a museum in a city that just doesn’t feel like home. And maybe, Steve thought, that’s because home isn’t always a place, but a person.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YEAH BOI A SLIGHTLY LONGER CHAPTER. this was actually, like, the second thing i ever wrote for this series (the first was something i used to have uploaded here under the name "and i hope sometimes you wonder about me"; i took it down when i realised i was going to use it in the series). and i know: it's kinda sad as hell and that's probably not what a lot of you need right now but i promise things will start to look up in the next two chapters, and then i'm gonna get into some POST CA:TWS STUFF!!!! WHICH MEANS STUFF ABOUT BUCKY!!! AND SAM WILL BE THERE!!!!!!!!! but until then, please join me in being angsty about captain angst and his """""dead"""" boyfriend


	4. a confession of sorts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> why, why, oh why did natasha have to get so involved in his love life?

**august 23, 2013**  

 

              “Rogers, I swear to god I will find you a girlfriend by the end of the month.”

               “Yep. You said that last month too. And I’m still happily single.” Steve stared vacantly ahead towards the station where their smoothies where being made. So, naturally, Natasha stepped right into his line of vision.

               “You’re not happy like this, I know it. All you ever do is cry about Bucky, no offense. But we’re all sick of seeing you like this. You need to find someone.” She was extremely adamant about this, and had been for a few months now. Steve tried to avoid her deadly gaze.

               “I’m not entirely alone or anything. I have you and Clint to keep me company, and the other Avengers.”

               “Okay, that just makes it, like, a billion times sadder. We hardly see Thor and I know you can’t stand Tony so don’t try and say that you have the Avengers. You can’t just keep sulking around all the time.”

               “I don’t sulk around.”

               “Yeah, sure you don’t. Come on, just actually go out with _one_ of the people I suggest. That’s all I’m asking.”

               “I did. Remember Janice? She was nice.”

               “Steve, you went on like, two dates with her and you haven’t spoken to her since.”

               “That’s not true.” Natasha raised an eyebrow. Steve sighed. “It was three dates, we still text message…”

               “Text, Steve. It’s just text.”

               “We still text sometimes, but I didn’t really feel like a relationship and she’s perfectly fine with that.”

               “Oh, come on. There’s no way shutting people out like this is healthy. And this is coming from me, master of shutting others out. Even I have somebody, Steve.”

               Steve was extremely thankful when the person behind the counter called out their names, because he honestly didn’t have a comeback. Maybe Natasha was right. Okay, he had known she was right since she first brought up the idea of getting him a date. He really was lonely, even if he had some friends. But how was he supposed to continue on when he had already been in love and lost both of those people? Nobody could ever be as perfect for him as Peggy or Bucky, and that was something he had sort of come to accept. However, Natasha refused to, and this was to Steve’s detriment. They walked over to collect the smoothies. “Thanks.” Steve smiled at the man behind the counter.

As they walked away, Natasha looked at Steve with a raised eyebrow, somehow smirking even while sipping the smoothie. Steve looked at her, then in the direction she seemed to be looking in; the smoothie bar. Was she suggesting what he thought she was? “Natasha, I’m pretty sure I saw him wearing a wedding ring. And besides, could you imagine the way the media would react if they saw _Captain freakin’ America_ flirting with a guy?”

Natasha choked on her smoothie a little bit. “Wait, did you think… oh my god.”

Steve could actually hear his heart beating, that’s how heavy it was. “I… I guess?”

Natasha had a vaguely incredulous look across her face, and Steve could feel himself blushing. “Oh my god, do you…”

“What?”

“Oh, it’s nothing. But I do think I just worked out why you’ve been turning down all my _girl_ friend suggestions…”

Steve sighed. “No, no, it’s not that. I do like women, really. You know about Peggy; you should know that.”

Natasha shrugged, grinning. “Yeah, yeah but…”

He sighed even harder, lowering his voice so if anyone walking past recognised him, they wouldn’t hear. Might as well just get this over with. “And men too.” Natasha leaned against a wall, sipping her smoothie and surveying Steve. After a couple of uncomfortably quiet moments, Steve spoke. “What?”

She lowered the smoothie from her mouth. “You know, I kind of always had this weird feeling that you’re bisexual? I have no idea why… well, I do now, but…”

“Is that why you…”

“No. I was actually going to tell you about how a _girl_ in the line had been looking at you and maybe suggest that you get her number, but…” She sipped the smoothie again, eyes trained on Steve’s face in a way that he was becoming certain was an intimidation technique. “Does anyone else know?”

“You’re the third person I’ve ever told.” He looked away. He wasn’t about to mention that the other two were the reason he didn’t want to go on any of the dates Natasha set him up on. He looked back at her. She was still looking at him, sipping the smoothie, already making slurping noises. How had she finished it that quickly? “So, you’re fine with this?”

“Are you kidding? Of course I am.”

“This doesn’t change anything?”

“Not at all.” She smirked. “Unless you count the fact that I now have a lot more options of who to try and get you a date with.”

They started walking again. “Don’t make me regret telling you.”

“Oh, I don’t think you’ll have to worry about that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey!!! i know, i know, it's been ages since i updated compared to the last three chapters. i still dont actually have a name for the series if im being honest. and i know this chapter is quite short compared to the last one but unlike chapter two, this actually is, well, a good chapter, you know? and yes, it's now #confirmed. steve rogers is bisexual. and there's only one chapter left in this lil pre-tws stuff, and considering there's only one other character so far.... well, i'll let you guys put two and two together. the gaps between updates will probably be a bit longer from now on though, so i actually have time to write and also so youre not just being bombarded with my stuff. feel free to comment or leave kudos if you liked it, thanks so much for reading!


	5. if they didn't know, they do now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> why did natasha have to get so involved in steve's love life: the sequel
> 
> oh well, it's not like he has anything to lose.

**october 17 2013**

 

               “Hey, Steve, if you had to choose a guy, who would it be?”

               Steve looked up at Clint, who was lounging on the couch across from him. Clint’s dog, Lucky, was asleep in Steve’s lap. “What?”

               “You know, like if you had to choose a guy to bang. Sleep with. Do the do. Whatever you called it back in the day.” Clint asked, extremely casually.

               “You mean, like…”

               “Could be someone we know, could be someone famous, could be someone we know who’s famous…”

               Steve felt his heart accelerating. Did he know? Had Natasha told him? They seemed to tell each other everything, was this one those everythings? “Clint, I…”

               “Yeah, yeah, the concept probably seems weird to you considering when you’re from and everything, but you can’t tell me there’s not at least one guy…”

               So he didn’t know. “Well,”

               “Come oooon. Who is it?”

               Steve exhaled a laugh, trying to seem natural about it, when the elevator door opened and Natasha entered. “What’s up?” She asked as she walked over to them.

               “I was just asking who Cap would bang if he had to choose a guy.” Clint explained.

               Natasha looked over at Steve. “Oh, did you tell him?”

               None of them said anything. Steve looked between Natasha and Clint, then back at Natasha again. Clint raised an eyebrow. “Tell me what?”

               Natasha gave a shrug that Steve interpreted as “whoops, sorry”. He took a deep breath before looking back at Clint. “Clint, I’m bisexual.” He said, accidentally loud enough that Lucky stirred on Steve’s lap, making Steve feel kind of guilty for waking him.

               Clint blinked. “Okay, cool.” Steve felt the weight of it drop from his shoulders at Clint’s positive reaction. “Wait, how did Tasha know?”

               “He accidentally told me back in August.”

               Clint shrugged. “Makes sense. Anyway, where were we… Oh, right, Steve, if you had to… wait.”

               “Doesn’t really work anymore.” Steve said.

               “Nah, it doesn’t.” They were silent for a moment, before Clint spoke again. “Honestly, I’d tap Thor.”

               Natasha looked at him out of the corner of her eye. “What?”

               Clint turned to face her. “If I had to choose a guy. You’ve seen Thor. You’ve seen his arms. And allow me to say; holy shit.” Natasha scoffed. “Oh, come on. You agree with me, right, Steve?”

               Steve looked between the two of them again. This could be a lot worse, and it’s not like Clint was wrong about the Thor’s arms thing. “Yeah, definitely.”

               “See?”

               “I never denied it, Clint. I’m just amazed at how quickly you came up with that answer.”

               “What can I say? I think about Thor’s arms a lot.” Clint said, leaning back even further on the couch. Steve and Natasha both shot him a dubious look. “That… that didn’t come out right. I just meant… actually, it doesn’t matter. Though there is one thing I want to know.” He scooted to the edge of the couch, facing Steve.

               Steve sighed. “What?”

               “Steven Grant Rogers. Have you ever kissed a dude?”

               Honestly, Steve wasn’t even surprised that that was what Clint wanted to know. But did he have to be entirely honest about it? Surely Natasha would notice if he was lying, but he actually didn’t want to mention that he had. Mostly because of who it had been. Because of who he’ll never get to see again. He didn’t want to talk about it.

               “Do I have to answer that?”

               “Is there some reason for you to not want to answer it?” Natasha raised an eyebrow.

               “I’d really prefer not to.”

               “Did he break your heart?”

               “No, there wasn’t… there was no kiss. End of story.” He could tell that they knew it wasn’t the end of the story. And they could also probably tell that there had in fact been a kiss. Multiple, in fact. Hopefully, they would just leave it alone. Clint and Natasha exchanged a silent stare, and Steve was almost certain they were communicating on some other level.

               “Alright.” Clint said. “But there had to be at least a crush”

               “Oh, come on.”

               “No, no, he has a point. There had to have been someone. How else would you have known?” Natasha interjected.

               Steve thought for a moment. They were right. There sure as hell was a someone. Someone who meant more than anyone else, and still does, even if he’s long dead. “It wasn’t anything big,” Steve lied, “just a close friend back in Brooklyn.”

               “And?”

               “And what?”

               “Tell us about him!”

               Great. Steve knew that if he actually said something, they’d work out it was Bucky. Natasha had been there at the Smithsonian, and it’s not like Clint would have never read a history book. Even if by some weird chance, he hadn’t, what SHIELD agent doesn’t know who Bucky Barnes is? “He… wait, why is this being turned on me? Why aren’t we focusing on the fact that Clint is one hundred percent down to have sex with Thor? Or that you haven’t answered Clint’s question, huh? If you had to choose a girl, who would…”

               “Probably this other SHIELD agent, Sharon. I don’t really know her full name, she sort of just goes by Agent Thirteen, I don’t think you’ve met her.”

               “And you said _I_ was too quick with my answer. You didn’t even think about that!” Clint said.

               “How do you know I haven’t been coming up with an answer since I found out what you guys were talking about because I knew it was only a matter of time until someone flipped it on me?”

               “Okay that’s a good point. Wait, weren’t we talking about Steve’s crush?”

               So maybe it wasn’t that easy. “It doesn’t matter. It was a stupid crush and I never told him about it because I didn’t want to ruin our friendship. Like I said, we were really close.”

               “Man, he must be super old now.”

               “Actually, uhh…” Steve couldn’t bring himself to make proper eye contact with either of them. “He died during the war.”

               They fell back into that uncomfortable silence as Steve’s words sunk in. “I’m so sorry.” Natasha said eventually. “If I had’ve known, I wouldn’t have asked so mu-“

               “It’s not your fault that I didn’t say anything. I just… miss him, a lot.” Steve could almost feel the tears forming in his eyes, threatening to spill down his cheeks. “We were… he meant a lot to me. Still does. We were pretty much inseparable.”

               Natasha opened her mouth slightly as if about to say something, then decided against it. “Is… he why you always seem so sad?” Clint asked carefully. Steve nodded, avoiding eye contact.

               “There are a lot of things but, yeah, he’s one of them. Last time you asked that was actually his birthday, believe it or not.”

               “Oh. Sorry.”

               “It’s okay.”

               Natasha stared at Clint for a few seconds before she had his attention, and then she moved her hands quickly and deliberately, probably sign language. Clint responded with another series of gestures, before Natasha glanced at Steve then back at Clint and replied. Steve furrowed his eyebrows. “It’s nothing.” Natasha smiled at him when she saw his expression, which, honestly, just made him more suspicious, but he decided to let it slide. It’s Natasha. Of course she’s got secrets.

               “You know what? We should order a pizza and put on a movie or something. Stark’s Netflix is connected to all the TVs in the tower, you can choose the movie if you want. Though you should probably choose something funny, you need cheering up.” Clint said.

               “Don’t you have to pay for Netflix?” Steve asked.

               “It’s a subscription. He pays for it, so we might as well use it as much as possible. Even with that aside, I know all his bank account details and maybe use his card for my own Netflix account, so…” Natasha said. Steve wasn’t even planning on bothering to ask how she had gotten her hands on Tony’s bank account and how nobody had noticed.

               “So, pizza?” Clint asked again, eyes growing wide at the thought.

               “Yeah.” Once Clint had called the delivery people and walked a few metres away to talk to them, Steve turned to Natasha. “Does he ever eat anything other than pizza?”

               She shrugged. “Sometimes he has coffee.”

               “That’s not a food, though.”

               “Yeah…”

 

 

               “Good morning.” Natasha was perched on a stool at his kitchen counter. Clint blinked a few times, running a hand through his already messy hair.

               “Nat, what are you doing here? I thought you were staying at the Tower.”

               “I am. But I think I know who Steve was talking about.”

               “What?”

               “You know, the ‘just a friend back in Brooklyn’? I think I know who it was.” She opened up the laptop she had set on the counter in front of her.

               “Did you sleep at all last night or were you just researching this?” Clint yawned, walking over to look at the screen over her shoulder.

               “I slept maybe a couple of hours.”

               “I will never understand how you do that.”

               “A good combination of practice and breaking into your hidden coffee stashes. Anyway, let’s think about it. He was a really close friend of Steve’s, right?”

               “Natasha…”

               “And given the time period, his attitude towards bullies, and what he looked like before the serum, I think it’s safe to say there wouldn’t have been many of those. But a close friend from Brooklyn, one who he was inseparable from and who died in the war? That narrows down the list a _lot.”_

               Clint narrowed his eyes as he looked at the many Wikipedia tabs and SHIELD files Natasha had opened. “Are you saying…”

               “Then when he said the thing about his birthday, I had to check the dates, but sure enough, I was very, very right.” She angled the screen towards Clint before clicking on one of the tabs. “Bucky Barnes.”

               “So you are saying what I think you’re saying. I need coffee.” Clint walked into the kitchen. Natasha kept talking.

               “Think about it. Based off what we know about this mystery crush, it could very well be him. Grew up in Brooklyn, inseparable friend of Steve’s, his birthday is in March, fell off a train in 1944 on a Howling Commandos mission, presumed dead. Do you really think there’s anyone else it could be?”

               “That’s a good point.” Clint said, then took a sip directly from the piping hot coffee pot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> holy moly??? so many people have read this already and it's been like, what, three weeks?? this is great, you guys. thank you. anyway, yeah, i figured this was probably gonna be how clint found out even before i decided to write this. the age old question. if you had to pick a guy. but anyway, this brings a conclusion to the first part of the series. from here on out, it's going to be post ca:tws. which means sam. and a lot of bucky angst. and maybe a few other familiar faces (coughthecarterscough) i'll post the first chapter of that (it's going to be in a separate fic) soon, i just need a bit more writing time + i have exams this week so studying yaaay ugh anyway. thank you all so much and i hope you stick around for the next installment, because things are going to get really good. feel free to leave a comment or kudos if you enjoyed!!
> 
> also the sign language convo between nat and clint was:  
> nat: “when was that?”  
> clint: “i think it was march, why”  
> nat: “just a weird feeling”


End file.
